I feel like SCREAMING...
It's like everything I GAVE was given in vain. Like everything I've FELT is ending in pain.
How can I have such hatred for someone I don't know? How can I declare that I suddenly feel jealousy without a cloud of hypocracy floating over my head.
I'm drawing blanks actions and slips of empty paper from the hat, and the frustration is mounting. I fear, in alignment with my mood lately, I will snap, and it won't end pretty.
I can't slow my breaths for, at every attempt of calming myself, I imagine her sleeping with him and it makes me ill. Sleeping next to him in the same goddamn spot I did. With him telling her the same goddamn nothings he told me. Holding her... the same way he held me for 7 months. 'Makes me ill and boils hate in me like never before.
Aren't I supposed to be setting an example for the other students? What kind of example is smashing the picture of me in his room?
I hate this life, and right now I'd take any quick route out of it.
How can I have such hatred for someone I don't know? How can I declare that I suddenly feel jealousy without a cloud of hypocracy floating over my head.
I'm drawing blanks actions and slips of empty paper from the hat, and the frustration is mounting. I fear, in alignment with my mood lately, I will snap, and it won't end pretty.
I can't slow my breaths for, at every attempt of calming myself, I imagine her sleeping with him and it makes me ill. Sleeping next to him in the same goddamn spot I did. With him telling her the same goddamn nothings he told me. Holding her... the same way he held me for 7 months. 'Makes me ill and boils hate in me like never before.
Aren't I supposed to be setting an example for the other students? What kind of example is smashing the picture of me in his room?
I hate this life, and right now I'd take any quick route out of it.
posted by Elliya at 6:47 PM
Where the music is trapped. 
2 Comments:
What you are feeling is perfectly normal and acceptable. It will pass in time, or it will consume you if you allow it to, most likely; both.
Hurts to know they're out there loving someone else. Saying the same lines, sharing the same feelings. Kinda spits all over anything you had.
But it's inevitable, these feelings will pass. Be strong and remember:
Dying IS against the rules.
Don't worry Elli. I won't tell you to reject, or deny what your feeling. That's suppression, and not healthy. The best thing i can tell you, is to embrace this pain. And learn from it. Life is a journey, a trek of knowledge. Right now, your just on the hardest subject. And Elli, whether you believe it enough, your strong enough to get through this on top. -thumbs up- and always remember, friends love you, no matter what.
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