We only had a fight...

But that doesn't mean it didn't crush me to tell him how I was really feeling. I really don't deserve to feel drained by the one I love. Do I really love him if I let him use me? Am I even letting him use me or am I just imagining things? He's the best man I've known to this day, but everyone has their flaws. His is just that he's jealous and wants me around him all the time. And it's my fault for getting addicted to him. It hurts to be away from him. It hurts like it used to hurt when I was separated from my mom. For YEARS I couldn't spend the night anywhere because I was afraid and homesick. And I'm feeling more and more handicapped by his presence every day. In the mornings when I wake up early to go to work, I can't tear myself away from his sleeping body. I can't bring myself to leave him alone, not even for a minute.

People have been telling me to get out, to escape while I can, but I'm already in too deep. I'm just so safe and warm in his arms that I can't do what's good for me. My grades are slacking, my work ethic has dropped, I've lost my pleasant aura. Even my popularity has decreased. And for what?

I haven't done my show in a while. My Tuesdays have been eaten up by this accelerated course I've been taking, but I've dropped that now and I still can't do my shows. I just don't feel like I'm reaching all the ideals I set for myself ages ago. I mean, despite the boyfriend drama, I'm just not enjoying college like I was before. It could be the accelerated courses sucking huge dicks, or this terrible job at the Student Lounge that I'm quitting. My grades are miserable too.

I just don't know what to do or where to turn. I feel like I've lost contact with my old friends, and if it's anything I need right now it's someone to remind me who I used to be.