Need.
I went on a walk tonight. I needed to clear my head, I needed to get out of this room, out of this apartment, out of this cage that's become my day-to-day life. Freedom is all any adult ever really craves, right? From birth we naturally lose that need to be wrapped up tight and snug and we start stretching out our limbs and sleeping in the nude.
I felt, on this walk, like I was finally stretching out for once. Like I've spent the past 20 years snuggled up in a blue blanket carefully under a mother's watch. It was raining, slightly at first but then more so, but pleasantly.
The warm puddles in the street were a welcome addition to my sandals. The wet breeze felt like my back yard at home. So alone, so desolate, and so filled with my thoughts. But I needed that. I needed to tap myself of my misery for a change. I needed to talk to nature again like I used to do when I was a kid.
Or maybe I need a therapist. Or chocolate. Or sex.
I'm sitting alone staring at a picture of him that he sent me. Jesus, he's living proof that one's perception is the most powerful imaginative tool on earth. I've looked at him from the point of view of others and deduced that there really isn't anything amazing about him. He's not especially handsome, or sweet, or funny, or smart, or even rich. But in my mind he's become the pinnacle of perfection.
He says it all in his smile, and when he least realizes it. The most simple thing, this photoshopped picture of him, has me tied around myself in impatience. I could sit for weeks in awkward silence if it meant seeing him giggle and laugh when we talked. I could wait for months for him to turn an eye to me, despite the heartbreak and yearning of all this time alone.
Alas, I'm here talking to 1's and 0's and packets and protocols. I'm wondering if maybe waiting for Right to come along is a bad idea, and I should just start dating Easy...
I just need love.
[Thursday 1:29pm update]: Easy is AMAZING in bed.
I felt, on this walk, like I was finally stretching out for once. Like I've spent the past 20 years snuggled up in a blue blanket carefully under a mother's watch. It was raining, slightly at first but then more so, but pleasantly.
The warm puddles in the street were a welcome addition to my sandals. The wet breeze felt like my back yard at home. So alone, so desolate, and so filled with my thoughts. But I needed that. I needed to tap myself of my misery for a change. I needed to talk to nature again like I used to do when I was a kid.
Or maybe I need a therapist. Or chocolate. Or sex.
I'm sitting alone staring at a picture of him that he sent me. Jesus, he's living proof that one's perception is the most powerful imaginative tool on earth. I've looked at him from the point of view of others and deduced that there really isn't anything amazing about him. He's not especially handsome, or sweet, or funny, or smart, or even rich. But in my mind he's become the pinnacle of perfection.
He says it all in his smile, and when he least realizes it. The most simple thing, this photoshopped picture of him, has me tied around myself in impatience. I could sit for weeks in awkward silence if it meant seeing him giggle and laugh when we talked. I could wait for months for him to turn an eye to me, despite the heartbreak and yearning of all this time alone.
Alas, I'm here talking to 1's and 0's and packets and protocols. I'm wondering if maybe waiting for Right to come along is a bad idea, and I should just start dating Easy...
I just need love.
[Thursday 1:29pm update]: Easy is AMAZING in bed.
posted by Elliya at 1:20 AM
Where the music is trapped. 
3 Comments:
The warm summer breeze of the night’s darkest breath. Enjoy the "freedom" you have in a time so free. The world will rape you once you see; the world will lead you to our death.
The bliss of ignorance to give us our false freedom; to make us realize what it is that we miss. Go to him, play the game to the end. Find love no matter what, for the "freedom" we seek is no more a venire than the sad truth that we need someone near.
Love, who needs it? Love, it will kill you. Love, a pathetic word. Love, without it I am no more.
If you love someone so, run to them and let them know. If you need them by your side, make sure they want you, in the face of the rising tide.
The pain of rejection may be too deep, that a prick on the wrist will begin you sleep.
Know what you want and enter with care, for lord known not what he will bare.
you're not too bad yourself Rogue.
unfortunately EASY has no idea what to do with love. and that's what you really need.
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