Starting to end.

Cause something's changing, and I'm terrified.
I can't shake it, it's written
Across my face and, I'm starting to end.

Starting to end.

When I realize my self is missing, I collapse all over again. The mushy innards beneath my shell of cliche advice and a day job leak out, exposing a younger, sadder me. The little squishy me that Readymade Breakup writes songs to speak to.

Well, today I realized that I'm not myself again. I realized that I smother myself in media and movie directions to avoid jotting down what I really feel. Even though I'm sure I'd love to chin up and push on, I can only ignore an emotional infection for so long before treating it.

To be frank, I'm scared. I'm not entirely sure what to expect from the world. I know I want to do something creative like making movies or performing and being an actress or a singer, but I have so much self loathing... I know I wouldn't get anywhere. On the other hand, I know I can just go stoic and work some boring management position and never exercise my brilliant capabilities, but what kind of happy is that?

I'm on the edge of a transition. Working 20 hours a week at the school isn't getting me the funds I need to live. And pulling an extra 40 overnights at Target at low pay isn't exactly sculpting my future either. And as much as I would like to man up and just go through with searching for a new job and a new home, I'm so terrified. And fear is what shuts me down the most.