Always...

Ever feel like the world is out to get you?

Don't let yourself feel happy, because as the saying goes... The nail that sticks out is the one that gets hammered...

Home, sweet home!

Home has never been so much fun. Seriously.

Saturday night we grabbed Courtney. Later in the night we went to bug Suz at her new job.

Sunday we drove around all day and then went to dinner at Gram's where there was stormy time. I don't like stormy time.

Monday was the most eventful. We slept in till noon, but after that all we did was run errands. Grocery shopping, browsing dollar stores... You NAME it.

We finally got in contact with Suz to hang out with her that night cause she wasn't working. First we went to see the movie Bug (amazing!) at 10:25, then we went to Starlight Diner where we were privileged to meed Alan (Karly's friend). We hung out with him till about 5am. 5AM!!!!

Came home, slept for 4 hours, and now I'm here. Leaving for Philly around 2...

I really don't have the energy to get descriptive, but this weekend was pretty amazing. And it wouldn't have been anything wifout my mommy! <3

It won't stop...

HURTS! They should have given me more painkillers!!

As I just found out minutes ago, stress REALLY amplifies the pain. I think I should go back to the hospital.

It hurts... All of it...

The last thing I wanted to do today is get up and go to school. I feel like death, through and through. I'm hopped up on every imaginable legal painkiller and nothing's helping. The dizziness won't let up, and that leads to headaches and nausea which only assist in keeping my head in my hands.

I don't feel like eating anymore. The only thing that's keeping food in my stomach is the fact that taking my antibiotic on an empty stomach leads to more dizziness, nausea and vomiting.

I can't even get comfortable. Something they did to me at the hospital made me antsy. I can't sleep, I can't even sit without feeling like I've got to keep moving, which is a whole hell of a lot more painful than doing what I aim to do.

They kept me at the hospital almost all morning, sticking me with needles and bleeding me into 8 different tubes, then jamming another needle in me to replace what they took. It was so unbearably cold, which is another feeling I can't seem to shake. It's summer time and I want to wear my winter jacket to school...

I don't want to feel like this. I wish I could fast forward through all this suffering and go back to how things were, when I was happy...

Dave and I split, too, so its not like I have someone to turn to for comfort... And now that TJ's gone, I've lost my someone to talk to...

I guess when it rains, it pours... And then some...

I'm dying...

For about a week and a half now, I've had a bladder infection. I've known about it but wanted to avoid expensive hospital treatment if at all possible. I figured drinking a heinous amount of liquid would make it pass... I guess I was wrong...

Dave drove me to the hospital last night where we waited for an hour before I got a room. After that it was a 5-minute diagnosis after peeing in a cup. I had a bladder infection. Rather, a kidney infection now that I'd given it the time to spread. They gave me pills, and sent me home...

Come home last night, go to bed at Dave's place cause sleeping alone is the LAST thing I need in this state.

I wake up at 5 this morning and the first thing I do is crouch over Dave's toilet. I woke him up to get me something to eat so I wasn't dry-heaving there all morning.

So I get back to my apartment and check my temperature. No different from last night, just touching 100.

Next thing I know, I'm peeing this wicked color orange. So I run out and check my discharge instructions.... "Return to the ER if you have a fever, vomiting or blood in your urine." Shit...

Guess where I'm going now?

I'm bendin' time...

How quickly the heart recovers to love anew...

Weeeeeeeekend!

Ok, so call me a RA. So much has happened since my last post, most of it I can't disclose to the general public. Shamefully.

Player'z Ball was Saturday. Loads of fun, and loads of work at the same time.

Then TJ left... Sad is me. He's such a cool friend. He'll be gone for 3 weeks. Who else is there to goof off with!? :'(

Then my birthday. Steve took me, Laura and Mike out to dinner at Outback Steakhouse. Yummy.

And now... writing the Player'z Ball article for the school newsletter...

Resonating off the modern architecture of Trilogy's Plate Restaurant was the unique and hip frequency of DeVry University Housing's Player'z Ball. People, prizes and pumping bodies were among the sights to be seen at this hot event.

Of over the 100 players in attendance, only four could walk away with the evening's Best Dressed Award. Lane Kibe and Heather Borden left the event with their respective Pimp Chalices. Second place winners Laura Henshaw and (who?!) were awarded with the crowd's favor.

The music and dance carried on late into the night and as the antics continued, the dance floor overflowed. The fresh tunes pounding out of the speakers kept the ladies and gentlemen moving until the night's end, and as the night drew to a close, the event's coordinators knew they had another successful event under their belt.

[edit]
I almost forgot to mention the B-Day gift that Steve got me... A RADIO STATION!! He set up ShoutCast on his server in New York and gave me admin privvies. [BetaRadio] is totally on it's way.

Totally the BEST birthday present I've EVER gotten... EVER!!

In a nutshell...

I didn't get it.

[Edit]
I got it, but winning by default isn't really winning, is it?

I've got a lot of work ahead of me, though, and feeling bad over not doing well can't take up any more of my time.

Mommy's been bloggitized.

Mommy: I shoulda sent you to an all-girl school, or maybe a nunnery......

me: ... So I'd kill myself instead?

Jesus, I hate women.

Mommy: At least you'd be concentrating on your studies in between killing the bitches that are PMSing.

me: Hahahaha, killing bitches.... I loves my mommy.

Mommy: <3

My mommy talks about killing bitches. She'd SO TOTALLY fit in here.

Fate, made to fate...

Passion's overrated anyway...

Yesterday was RIDICULOUS! And for once that's NOT in a good way. For about 2 hours, my heartrate barely dropped below 150, which is almost twice what it normally is. I'm pretty sure yesterday set records in Amber's Stress Level Index...

First was my RA Interview, which they kept me waiting 30 minutes for. I had a chat with that kid at the Finance desk. I feel bad that I don't know his name, but I guess I should get used to it.

Once I got back to the interview, their whole act was intimidation. These guys are pros at lying and intimidating, which makes me a little apprehensive about joining them, but I guess every group needs an extreme. I know I could be the scariest of all of them, but at the same time, the most laid back and understanding. That's the positive side of "faking it."

So, I left the interview and immediately called my mommy and headed to the library. I talked to her on the phone for a while before heading back to Terry's office to tell her about it.

In the middle of my conversation with Terry, I peek out over the cart full of books that need to be processed, and who doth mine eyes rest upon but a loathed enemy. Sod the Shakesphere, this chick freakin' hates me. The deal is that I've been hanging around her ex too much...

1. Her EX.
2. If I'm going to be a RA, I'll be working with him.
3. I'M NOT BLOODY INTERESTED!!

Specifically regarding the last one, all men want is SEX. Why, after swearing that I hate them all for it, would I go after someone I KNOW is a fiend for it?!

Anyway, back to the story. I know she has no reason to despise me, but regardless, women are psycho bitches. I'd know, I happen to be one. She's camped at the corner computer with a good number of friends around her, and they're all concentrating on something... Writing something in a notebook and/or printing something out.

So, I begin to elongate my conversation with Terry in hopes that they'll leave seeing that it's getting close to closing time. Briefly, Terry mentions something that needs to be done at the front desk, my current least favorite place to be next to HELL...

She scurries out to the desk with myself intently following her, not wanting to be alone. "Amber, mark all the unfinished work here for whoever comes in tomorrow, I'll be back in a second." As if that isn't the LAST thing I wanted to hear! So Terry leaves the front desk and suddenly the feeling of a giant of aura pressure surrounds me, pushing on my skin. The deafening silence listening intently for expected reactions... The things fear does to you...

After quickly marking my work, I raced back into Terry's office and gave her the lowdown. That there was a girl who threatened violence toward me earlier in the day in the library with a bunch of her friends, and that I was afraid of being alone. Terry, being the wonderful understanding woman that she is offered to ask them to leave, considering it was 6 minutes until close, that wasn't all too unusual.

I scampered into the back room and proceeded to call Steve and tell him that Kita was in the library and I was about to be alone. (Bless his heart...) He made it a priority to get to me as fast as he could. (REAL friends!!!)

Terry had asked me to lock up the back room and help her turn off the computers out front. Luckily, Mike Walkling and his curious self come to save the day. The moment he walked in, my instinct hit. I had to leave that library WITH someone or it could get bad...

Me: Mikey! Let's go see mom!
Mike: Uhh, what?
Me: Let's go see your mom!
Mike: Um, okay.
Me: -whispering- Just go with it.
Mike: Huh?
Me: -approaching the door where her friends are camped- Walk in front of me.
Mike: -pushing through the crowd-
Me: -finally outside and away from the crowd- Dude, thank you so much.

So I went to admissions with Mike and his Mommy and hung out there until Steve showed up.

I'll keep the rest of this entry short:
1. The RA Interview.
2. Hurricane Kita scare.
3. Steve going 80mph around turns that should be taken at 30.
4. TJ and that terrible balloon. God I hate balloons.

The rest of the day was alright, I guess. Not that I can remember it.

Say, say my name. Need a little love to ease the pain...

Ssshhhhhuuuunnnnnnn....

Shun the non-believer!

Despite how ridiculously tempting it might be, I'm sticking to my word. (As I tremble from withdrawal... lawl.)

Man, I guess I've gotten myself down to a science. Like I was telling Steve on Friday, when I no longer feel love for Person A, it's because I have brewing emotions for Person B. So, I'm not treating Dave quite like I should because I've had ideas of someone else taking his place... DESPITE my rant about hating men.

I guess they just keep impressing me. Courtship is a silly song to play on Amber's heartstrings.

Love really is blind and stupid. I know if I get involved with a guy again, it's going to end the same way. Person B taking over Person A's spot, jealousy, heartbreak, and tears. And probably the loss of someone who would have made a perfectly good friend. That's my least favorite part about dating. Losing friends.

But love doesn't care about friends. Love is selfish and egotistical. Love will make you think the world of someone one week and then forget them the next. And that's exactly how it happens with me.

I could blame it on my attention span disorder, but scapegoats are foolish mammals. It's love's fault. Always has been, always will be.

Unfortunately, "Love is like oxygen, love is a many spendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong... All you need is Love."

Fucking Moulin Rouge.

I love my roommates...

"(Hey, hey! You, you!) I don't like your boyfriend! (No way, no way!) I think you should date TJ!"

... Hahaha!

Note to self, seriously...

NEVER headbang to MSI to show off to Laura. Holy geez is my neck stiff and sore. That's not alltogether unusual, I mean, it's not like I practice stress relief EVER so I'm always pretty tense and high-strung. I need to chill the eff out more often.


Google is going to conquer your pathetic world, and I don't care of Microsoft and Yahoo get married... All shotgun weddings end up in sloppy lawyer-ridden divorces with trailor trash children in foster care. And who will buy out your contemptible and yet prosperous offspring?? I'LL GIVE YOU ONE GUESS!

Microsoft could marry the U.S. government and STILL have no chance to compete with Google. The power of good deeds and user-friendly concentration COMPELS YOU! If only MS wasn't so concerned with themselves... Share the wealth and make a few friends, Microsoft. Stop pissing on web-based front ends and desperately clinging to your precious licensing and get with the future!

There's my rant.

I <3 Google.

[Edit]
I should probably mention here and everywhere that my new cell # is 717 424 7207. Don't use the other number anymores. It's poopy.

[Edit-edit]
Hehe, I used 'poopy' in a blog entry... Hehehe...

Are you sure you're not an overdue book?

Cause you've got FINE written all over you.

So, not a lot to talk about really. Ok, a lot to talk about, really...

Where to start... Amber <3's TJ.

I think that's all.

Daily Horoscope For Taurus

You might have difficulty shaking off the feelings from a recent intense emotional encounter, yet it's important to concentrate on the current events instead of the past. Don't try to make sense of what happened.

I hate my life sometimes.

Have you noticed?

Whenever I write a blog entry, I usually start off with a little note worthy sentence. Then I'll go into specific details for a bit. Details such as something that happened, or an event that changed my life so I felt like I needed to blog it.

I'll usually make it a couple short visually pleasing paragraphs, each delicately worded to keep the readers attention. Sometimes there's more than one event and I'll have some extra paragraphs.

Then there's one hanging sentence in-between.

Those sentences mostly refer to something stated in the preceding paragraph. And usually that sentence is the marking point in the timeline of the described event. I almost always have some nearly-conclusitory sentence at the end of the last long paragraph.

Then there's the dramatic one-liner.

Hesitation.

I left work an hour or so early last night to go see Nick's audition for The Uranium Project. Even before going along, my intentions of wanting to ask Perdie to get a slot in the movie were present and boiling. I love acting, and I love the one-on-one attention between the director and the actor.

Nick and Dave first read the short scene over as a practice run. Almost instinctually, something inside me wanted to jump up from my seat and rip the script out of Nick's hand and read the scene myself, the way it was supposed to be done, the way my intuition told me Perdie wanted it.

Nick's not a bad actor, and The Uranium Project script is probably really well written for the actors that Perdie selected, but some underlying subconscious intention in me wanted to jump up in the spotlight and do it better. I wanted to change "Zack" to a girl's role. I wanted to help Perdie rewrite the script to include a cheerleader instead of a jock. I wanted to dive into this production to make it everything it could be...

But at the end of the night, I congratulated Nick, told him how well he did, and went to bed with a heavy weight on my chest.

I don't have the guts for that kind of thing.