A note on eggs.

Whenever I'm back at some irrational low, I look for someone to talk to about it. Because that's what chicks do, you know? They tell someone how they feel and the problem all but solves itself after that.

So I pulled out my list of friends... And one by one, I crossed them off. Perhaps it's my poor friend management, or my inability to open up to new faces... Or maybe I'm just downright shallow. I really couldn't think of anyone to talk with. Outside of those directly involved in the situation.

Oh sure, people will come out of the woodworks when they read this and say "You can always talk to me, Amber!" and "I have your back if you need me!" But that's not the point. I know I've surrounded myself with good people, there's no mistaking that. The only mistake is the one I've made.

I've shut myself away from the world, at least emotionally. I put all my eggs in one basket, as it were, and when the basket falls, all my eggs crack and suddenly, I have no one.

I sincerely hope this is one of those learning processes.

Neither here nor there.

I'm stuck somewhere between thinking I kick ass and feeling terribly inferior.

On one end of the rather broad spectrum, I'm standing at the top of the world. Perhaps it was my ego that floated me here, or maybe I climbed the mountain. However it happened, I'm here. I've delved back into web development and impressed myself. I'm tirelessly level-headed in almost every facet of my jobs, and I excel at the things few people can. I'm healthy, fit, happy, and standing tall as a role model.

But then the day turns around and I feel awful. I look at those I've loved and hurt and feel sick. Somewhere in the downward spiral, I lose all confidence in myself and begin to destruct, which makes me feel even more inferior for being weak. When I look down around me, I see the mountain I'm standing on is a heap of manure and my discouragement doubles on itself. And then I want to run away.

At least I understand this roller coaster ride, and it only fluctuates between these two extremes.

Though... Some middle ground would be nice.